It is generally thought that affairs occur because there is a problem, real or perceived, within the relationship; there is bad communication or no communication between the partners within the relationship; or there is temptation – and then there is giving in to temptation.
Although I sometimes suspect that they just happen for reasons such as alcohol and a lowering of impulse control.
Signs of an Affair
Here are some signs to look for, which MAY indicate that your partner is cheating:
- a higher than normal credit card bill
- a partner working longer hours than normal
- odd or unexplained ATM withdrawals
- high mobile phone bills
- high home phone charges
- sudden change or improvement in appearance
- the deleting of all internet activity
- phone calls being made at all times of the day
- starting a new hobby suddenly
- starting arguments out of the blue as an excuse to leave the house.
This is not a definitive list, merely a few common signs.
What Should I Do?!
If you suspect that your partner is indeed cheating on you, it is first of all very important to know that your feelings of anger, any disturbance in sleep patterns, and feelings of being betrayed are all very normal; and that you will get through this.
Although dealing with infidelity is very difficult, it is not always a marital deal breaker; it can be worked through. Healing after infidelity is not a quick process; wounds take time to heal; so be patient with the process and yourself, and don’t panic.
Remember that healing will not take a straight trajectory, it will be zigzagged or up and down. Ask questions of your spouse and expect answers.
Lastly, after asking the questions ask yourself: “Did that help?”. If it didn’t, then don’t ask any more.
Seeking help from a psychologist trained in couples counselling can be of great benefit, especially if you feel like you don’t know what to do now.
I am a Clinical Psychologist with a lot of experience in couples counselling, so please feel free to make an appointment to see me soon.
Author: Dr David Wells, B Psych (Hons), Dip Prof Couns, D Psych (Clin Geropsychology).
David is a Clinical Psychologist, with a keen interest in couples counselling, and working with older people. He strives to provide a safe environment for his clients to explore their issues and, with assistance, develop new techniques which will help them change their unproductive behaviours. The aim is to have a happier life that assists people reach their relationship, personal and life goals.
To make an appointment with Dr David Wells Psychologist, try Online Booking – Loganholme or Online Booking – Mt Gravatt or call M1 Psychology (Loganholme) on (07) 3067 9129 or Vision Psychology (Mt Gravatt) on (07) 3088 5422.